In an effort to illustrate how I believe developing more self-awareness is such a critical step in living an intentional and fulfilling life, I will share a major breakdown in my pursuit of a professional career, which I alluded to in the first post.
A bullet-proof method to avoid discovering a passion is remaining stuck. Trust me, I’ve tested it. For years I was told that my future was that of a doctor’s (I am not the first middle-easterner to receive this orde…I mean advice). By the time I was in college, getting C’s in my Organic Chemistry classes and making every effort to meet that requirement with Cultural Anthropology instead (note: that effort failed), it became clear that I couldn’t fake it anymore. When I told my mother this, being the supportive person she is, she asked me what I wanted to do instead of medicine. That’s where I got stuck.
I began taking various psychology classes and explored fields outside of the hard sciences in order to answer her question with conviction. The problem was that my mind and (inauthentic) sense of identity had been so shut off to every other field that I couldn’t even begin to determine what makes a “passion” a passion. It's not always the case that a career is pursued out of a passion - I just didn't even know the first thing about picking a field! All I was sure of was that I wanted to be excited to go to work every day, and to me that meant it needed to create an impact. I ultimately did not discover any strong interests and graduated with a Human Biology degree with all pre-med requirements met and a mediocre GPA to show for it.
During the next two or so years after I graduated, I mastered the art of victimization. Blaming my family for “passion blocking” and pigeonholing me, I jumped from one job or internship to another, pretty confident that I was doomed in finding anything I would want to stick with. This victimization proceeded to disempower me from authentically exploring careers I may have enjoyed because I was held back by the illusory chokehold my family was imposing.
After years of biweekly conversations with a dear friend (who is also a retired family therapist), informal coaching from many people in my social network, numerous thought-provoking articles and books, travel, and mindfulness practice, I learned to stop being the victim and to take control of my life as the protagonist of my story. It wasn’t until I began becoming more actively aware of my mental blocks, that I was able to make progress and move somewhere, which is the key to becoming unstuck–movement. The direction need not be perfect.
All of the sudden, I did have a choice. The more I learned about my predispositions, beliefs, snap judgments, and assumptions, the more power I had to steer my life in the direction of my choosing. Then the floodgates swung wide open and the world became my oyster (well, to an extent, given some limitations).
Having control over my thoughts and subsequent actions created a whole new reality, and not in a vacuum. My actions (informed by my thoughts) impacted those of others and ultimately the outcomes of events. Now that’s a world I can create in, disembarking from the victim ship.
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